Today, I feel GREAT. Not that my mood always goes by my emotions, but it’s nice to feel and maintain positivity instead of feeling anxious/sad/pathetic. I think one of the reasons why I felt upset was I had a lot of loose ends I felt like I needed to tie up and didn’t have that control anymore. How to pack, where to move, when to store my things, how to give a 2 weeks notice, actually giving a 2 weeks notice, stop thinking about him, stop looking at those photos, delete delete delete, i feel alone, i am alone, what do i do now, where is my set future going, where where where ahhhhh.
Okay, so when Life presents you with unexpected changes, I can do a one of two things. Fight it and be miserable, or try to kind of roll along with it (while still being admittedly miserable) until I awkwardly get back on my feet. I mean it would be nice to easily adapt to changes but who am I kidding, as much as I would like to think I’m some cool slick woman who can bounce right back… nah I’m not like that. But it’s all good!
I can firmly say that a month ago I was …a dramatic mess (and maybe I still am). I just feel so much peace and relief. I feel good, and I am truly excited for my future.
So I kind of ended up mixing up my own daily routine/life a little bit as well by choice. Maybe it was a way to cope with my inevitable situation .
1. I found and started to wear my retainer after a bajillion years. It won’t make too much of a difference on my teeth especially because it’s actually my second retainer and so my teeth had already shifted a bit :P Whatever, PATS ON THE BACK TO ME.
2. Picked up reading again. I don’t mind eating by myself so it’s really fun trying a new brunch nook and taking a book. Uh, does this make me sound pathetic….haha
3. I began whitening my teeth. Those crest white strips do kind of work, not too bad! Not too bad at all.
4. Using my iphone for music in the car/anywhere. I know that’s weird to throw in but it’s just the idea of changing up my routine that was once based around someone else, and making it more about me.
5. This is kind of random, but I actually have a strange relationship with food and I have had weird struggles with binge eating. It’s not that I want people to feel sorry for me or that I’m trying to get attention. So I am proud of myself not letting all parts of me get way out of control. Right now I’m at 108-110lb which is where I should be. I mean ideally would like to get to 105-107 by mid July. I’m happy where I am now though. (I am 5’1″ so this weight is completely normal).
6. Learning how to just calm myself down and not be so anxious. I’m trying to learn how to mentally stable myself and not let the little even maybe even bigger things bother me.
It’s like all the random little things that I tweak here and there that make a difference. I’m no longer thinking about or centering my actions around anyone else but myself and that’s such a different state of mind. Anyway, I’m just really excited to focus solely on myself.
Okay. So to be quite frank, today is a crappy day. But guess what?
1. I am slowly but surely paying off my car accident debts (whoo!) and my car is good as new and running like there’s no tomorrow so I am so thankful for that.
2. My teeth feel AWESOME (they were pulled like three weeks ago but hey it really sucked), while I still having gaping holes left in my gums, they are slowly filling up and I am starting to introduce more hardier foods to my diet.
3. Okay still single. Very very single. Which is kind of why I’m typing so to speak.