everyone has gone through the stage of being that crazy hormonal bratty spoiled rotten teenager who screams to the world that he/she hates everyone and everything and that no one understands him/her and no one will ever know nor understand the pain that he/she is going through. (or maybe some people are still experiencing that…)
anyway,
whenever i read something like this: (the following is slightly exaggerated)

“no one understands me. i hate my life, it sucks so bad. i dont have any real friends. screw the world because of global warming. i want everyone to die because theyre stupid, especially my parents because they made me clean my room last night and took my cell phone and car away for a week and told me that i have to come home at 12am, gosh they are so lame. i want to run away.”

one side of me wants to tell that person that they should thank their lucky stars that their parents didnt lock them up in a closet as a kid and then stomp on their iphone and kick their car.
but the other side of me kind of doesnt want to do anything because i can kind of relate to that person. i mean, not to their actual situation, but why they decided to type this up.

a lot of the times i want to say that no one can ever fathom whatever i am going through, but of course that is just a huge lame lie. there are millions of people who have gone through whatever situation that i feel that i am the only one experiencing, and have turned out perfectly fine. i guess it just depends on how you handle the situation… but let’s face it, it’s prettygoshdarn cathartic to type out those angsty feelings.
i mean, it’s nice to know that people pity you and are trying to make you feel better even though they’re probably thinking that you are a total nutcase and should immediately be transferred to the looneybin.
but some attention is better than none, huh? i mean let’s face it, that is the point of the rants that we type up. we want someone to notice and react because we crave that sort of selfish attention. we feel so desperately lonely and know that the one way to get immediate response is by showing our raw emotions and therefore making a big scene.
it’s like a new way of throwing a tantrum for older people, except you arent on the ground kicking and screaming.

so is that justifiable? is it okay to bare one’s soul in hopes that someone will read it so that one can reassure oneself that they are not alone?
or does that person just need to suck it up and stop acting like a baby because it’s not like they are the only person feeling the way that they are?
or should you just ignore it, like you would when seeing a child screaming to their mom that they want that certain toy in the mall?

every time i meet someone who knows exactly what they want to do in life and are accomplishing it little by little, i am genuinely amazed. i mean, to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life is kind of a daunting task to fulfill. even though you technically have the rest of your life to think about out what you want to do, it doesnt really work out like that…

i remember in high school we were allowed to fool around because we were told by our teachers “oh you can figure out what you want to do in life in college, you have all the time in the world to do that!”

i dont know why teachers even tell their students that. that is the biggest lie i have ever heard. i mean, once you get into college, you have to quickly determine what you want to major in which will basically determine your future (forever) and you cant just lay around and hope that some random epiphany will happen that will lead you into the right direction.

if i was a teacher in high school, i would tell my students the nittygritty truth.
“you better know what you want to do once you enter college because it will hit you hard and fast. before you know it, a couple years have past and you are almost done with college still not really knowing what you want to do let alone accomplish. so dont bother playing during the summer, this is the time to plan out what you want to do so you can take the appropriate and required classes to reach your goal instead of wasting time. do you want to live with your parents for the rest of your life? i think not!”

haha

it’s amazing how certain commercials can toy with your feelings.
while i find these 30 second tv clips interesting, i kind of wonder how the producers of these commercials feel while they make it, especially those commercials that are suppose to be touching and “deep”.

i know it’s all for propagandizing/promoting whatever product that the company wants you to believe in, but i wonder what goes through these people’s minds who create these types of commercials. do they actually really want you to buy certain things to support breast cancer? or is it just to buy that item? i mean, isnt there some sort of moral boundary that these commercial producers consider before they toy with the audience’s minds?

whenever i watch a heartfelt commercial, i secretly hope that the people who make it really mean it from the bottom of their hearts. that’s kind of naive thinking huh?
but i cant help it!!!!!

do you know what? i am intimidated by strong people (not physically, but i guess i should be kind of scared of super strong people too…). you know, those people who seem so secure with themselves and talk very intelligently. i think that the main reason why i fear these types of people is the fact that most people like that have quite a lot of influence over others because of their strong and smart character. they know that whatever they are talking about isnt just random bs, and after they are done talking, all you can  do is just stare back at them with awe.

it always flusters me whenever i make an absolute fool out of myself in front of someone like that. i mean, i try to be my regular young self, but it just never really works out. i normally end up saying/doing something that makes me look like a complete idiot. all i want to do is make them like me, or at least have some positive or neutral feelings towards me…man, i feel like i am a weird nerd who just wants someone from the cheerleader squad to say hi to me or something. lame as that sounds, it is exactly what i want. i want their “seal” of approval of me as a person.

sometimes i think that if im always doing something stupid around them, perhaps it’s not all caused by my nervous feelings when i am around them. maybe it’s just me. maybe being kind of out there is who i am.

ugh. lamesauce huh?

i gotta be straight with you guys, i find it pretty difficult to be “responsible” on my own. even those easy small tasks like waking up before 10am (ie. not being lazy), sleeping early, not watching too much tv, doing the dishes, taking out the trash at least once a week, clean the bathroom, etc.

it seriously takes a lot of discipline for me to wake up at 930am. i dont have to wake up at that time, but i know that it’s the right thing for me to do, right?
i am kind of glad that my parents made me, at least tried to make me do “chores” such as doing my laundry before i run out of clothes, get my daily priorities straight (ie. hw first, play later), and stuff like that. i think that those minor details really has prepared me to live on my own.
i feel bad for those people who dont know how to make a meal for themselves that doesnt require the microwave, or doesnt know the difference between sanitation and disorganization.

and then i feel bad for those children who complain to their friends that they cant go to the mall with them and spend their parents money on sandals that cost $35 because their parents are forcing them to take responsibility for once and clean their room. hopefully they too will realize that their parents arent making them complete this “horrendous chores” because they want to ruin their lives (trust me on this, it’s more like the kids who are ruining their parents lives).

anyway that was all!

in other news,
after watching an infomercial about the skin around one’s feet, i have decided to take better care of my feet. after all, they are the only feet that i have to last me for the rest of my life.

trader joe’s white grape juice IS all that it’s cracked out to be.
bytheway, i am proud to say that i am an avid straw-chewer.

i dont know exactly how and why korean girls have this reputation of being violent.
i mean, what smart person decided to make that movie or write that book, or basically portray a korean woman as overly aggressive, especially to their lovers!!
it kind of peeves me to walk around in socal (where there are hundreds of koreans, if not just asians), meet new people, and once they find out about my heritage, they automatically assume that i will beat them to a pulp if i dont agree with whatever they say/do.
i guess it is kind of cool to have that power of having people try to please to the left and right of me, but i still dislike this thrust upon reputation. (cue in sigh here) hahaha
i need to be more enlightened upon this mysterious subject.

anyway,
im watching the three oldschool starwars movies. im not a big fan when it comes to spaceships, fantasy, scifi, etc.
but i really ilke starwars. not to the point of reading the actual books (i will one day i guess) and collecting the figurines, however i will gladly watch it. heeheeheeeeee

ZOMGNEWCELLPHONEKEYCHAIN
yeah i spent $3 to get that stupid thing. i kept on getting the ugliest keychains ever. and YES it matters because this keychain represents me. actually it doesnt. but…whatevsss.

i think when i turned 18, all i thought about was how i was now considered an “adult” and what i could now do legally.
-drive around with people in my car.
-go to r-rated movies.
-buy ciggys.
-buy xrated magazines&videos.
-buy lotto tickets.
-etc.

however, what i never thought about was the responsibilities that came with “adulthood”. i am not talking about getting tried as an adult in court, although that is something that you should consider before you commit a crime.
i am talking about one’s maturity level.
i think that when someone turns 18, they shouldnt be thought of as an adult until their actions/words prove to the whole world that they are able to handle whatever situation is thrown at them maturely.
they should learn how to take the initiative.
learn how to take responsibility instead of blaming it on other people.
learn how to take criticism and humiliation humbley instead of instant offense and anger.
learn how to think things through rationally rather than on pure emotion.
learn how to be more empathetic and perhaps try to see it through another person’s point of view.
learn how to give second chances with grace.
learn how to apologize when one is wrong.
learn how to work/associate with people they do not particularly care for in a professional environment and still treat them with respect.
learn how to solve a conflict.
realize that people cannot read your mind and if you want something to happen, you must do it.

i feel like all the the things that i listed are assumed as being an adult. when you think of an adult, do you think of a person whining and bitching to you about how mean so and so is because they didn’t call you back even when they promised that you would?
think about it, maybe that person just simply forgot.
maybe i am asking for too much. well, that is a lot of things to learn…i mean i know that i am still trying to do all of those…

…let’s all just go to neverland and stay kids forever!

the chocolate oreo cakester is NOT, i repeat, NOT a snack for a child. or an adult.
rather it is a rich dessert only meant for the best of the children and kindest of adults.

man, i bought one of those oreo cakesters, chocolate ones, and just about had a mini heart attack when i took a bite of it.
the soft cake is rich and chocolatey with more fluffy sweet chocolate filling. i guess one could easily get tired of all this chocolate-ness, but i really like chocolate. dark chocolate to be more precise…
anyway,
i can see why 50%+ american children are obese. because of these heavenly “snacks”!

as a child i was deprived of such sweets such as: cereals (no fruitloops, only corn flakes), fruit rollups (we had the trader joe’s fruit leather…), ho ho’s, chips, etc.
looking back, i am grateful that my mom was a mild health freak. she would make us eat all sorts of strange and random things. she would basically get a lot of vegetables, put it in a pot, and make us eat it with brown rice filled with beans. kidney, lima, peas, etc. the bean and rice ratio was 2:5grains of rice. it was…ridiculous.

so now that i am an “adult”, do i splurge all of my savings on everyday sweets like fruity pebbles cereal? hmm…sort of. but i am more conscious of how much of whatever i buy i put in my mouth.

anyway, it will be a long time until i buy another box of these oreo cakesters…my body needs time to process all the sugar. haha

ZOMGSURVEYOMGOMGOMGGGGGGgggg!!!!111oneoneone (credits to gracewoman)
140 questions-go knock yourself out.

1. Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
no. i dont think we even have alcohol in our house. OH except that one time my mom bought a can of beer to make the snails/slugs go away in our garden.

2. Do you love the last boy/girl you were talking to?
i dont even remember what happend 3 seconds ago let alone the last person i talked to. haha

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
uh..probably not.

4. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
eating an oreo cakester. MAN. THOSE ARE SO GOOD.

5. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
my mom

6. Last restaurant you went to?
yogurtland..c’mon, that counts as a restaurant! no? okay fine. umm..
ruby’s diner. i just realized that i dont really like diner type of foods…

7. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
roommates

8. Did you have an exciting last weekend?
yes! i was home

9. Have you ever crawled through a window?
i locked myself out of the house or something so i opened up my bedroom window. later, i found out that my brother was sleeping in his room. -_-

10. What do you spend most of your money on?
it’s a tie between food and school books. but i think food wins

11. Where were you at 1AM Sunday morning?
sleep

12. Ever kissed someone over 30?
my parents

12.5 Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?
i never really understood how some of my friends are best friends with their parents. i mean, they’re my parents, of course im going to keep secrets from them.

13. Do you like yourself?
i guess! i mean, i cant imagine myself as anyone else

14. Have you ever dyed your hair?
a trillion times

15. Are you wearing a necklace?
naw son.

16. Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?
i feel like a lot of people. :(   *sighhhh*

17. Is there anything in your past that you’d like to try again?
hmm..swimming and waterpolo. or spanish.

18. Are you an emotional person?
very, actually.

19. What’s something that can always make you feel better?
ultimately, myself and the man upstairs.

20. Did your parents spoil you as a child?
ummm…after reading grace’s response, i guess so. like she said, i never got a car on my 16th birthday, get millions of new popular toys, nor get allowance. however, they did discipline me, take the family on mini road trips to see our relatives, and support me in what i want to do with my life. which is saying a lot because they dont expect me to become an engineer or go into premed. so yes, i guess i was and still am today.
 
21. How’s your heart lately?
duhhhh, i guess it’s been under the weather, but physically, it’s gettin better and better!! (dude that rhymed. i should seriously consider becoming a freestyler or something (i kid…)

22. Are you a cuddler?
i dont even like it when people want to shake hands with me…so, probably nottt

23. Will this weekend be a good one?
i hope so!

24. What do you want right now?
sleep. or get a car, drive to ikea, and buy a buttload of furniture and kitchen accessories.

25. Who can always cheer you up?
a lot of people! i guess if i had to pick, my dog.

26. Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public?
i think i was meant to live in one of those nude colonists. hahahahahaa

27. Who hugged you last?
uhhh…i dunno.

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?
uh huh. it was part of a game…reallyy…

29. Are you a kissable person?
zomg i will never let anyone come that near me, THINK ABOUT PERSONAL SPACE MANNNGGGG. hahaa

30. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
yes. man, i dont mind if people spread rumors about me, i mean it is lame that they are doing that…but as long as i dont find out it’s kind of like whatever. but when i do, aughioaj;wleksjdf. i want to crawl in a hole and become a bunny.

31. What is your relationship status?
single&uninterested. haha

32. Who was the last person to come to your house?
roomates

33. Look behind you, what do you see?

a wall. i am leaning on that wall.

34. How many rooms does your house have?
(apartment) 2

35. Have you ever worked in a food place?
yes!! well, an icecream shop…i had ice cream every time i worked there.

35.5 What would you name your future daughter?
jordan! i think it’s so cute. i hope she doesnt grow up to be a nastyho or something like that…hahahahhaha

36. Who and where was the last concert you went to?
gwen stefani in the beginning of the year.

37. Any summer plans for 2008?
make bank and grow muscles.

38. What did you eat for lunch today?
yogurtland, i do not lie. it was heavenly

39. Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
ZEEOHMYGOSH.
6am-11am-work
11am-1pm-class
6pm-8pm-gym w/ roomies
10pm-12am-work
LOVELY.

40. What is the last song you heard?
hey mama-KanyeWest. i actually like that song a lot

41. What do you think of love?
i think of cliched statements. and i guess it’s pretty cool if you think that you have ever experienced it.

43. When is the next time you’ll hit up a club?
girl, you know i hit up dem clubs every day and every night.

44. Do you still talk to any of your ex’s?
hahahaha oh man. there was this kid in middle school who went out with me for like…2days until i said that we should just be friends and he was actually pretty cool about it. and then it was horribly awkward for a long period of time until the last year of high school where we got to be pretty good friends. but once we got into college, we kind of had our own different agendas. but we still say hi whenever we bump into each other at home.

45. If you had to eat 1 thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
NENGMYUN (korean cold noodles in…cold soup..uh i am bad at describing things). oh man, beebimnengmyun! (spicy kroean cold noodles in..a..spicey…sauce…….hahaha)

46. How do you feel about abortions?
i dont like talking about stuff like this, but i will say that i am prolife. i mean, do it if you think that is the right thing for you, but im not going to say that i am okay with it.

47. Do you eat junk food everyday?
almost. i should bump it to everyday though huh?

48. How often do you drive?
ohmmaann right now in socal, NEVERRR.

49. Where did you last drive to?
at home..umm…red mango i think.

50. Describe your best friend?
she was actually someone i told basically everything to. even stuff that one might be too embarressed to even say outloud. it was pretty cool. it was.

51. Who was the last person to touch you?
no idea

52. How late did you stay up last night and why?
12am. that’s not really late, BUT I WAS TIRED. haha

53. Do you like someone?
of the opposite sex? honestly, no.

54. Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex?
yes. my brother pushes me around all the time. i think he thinks that i am one of his guy friends. sometimes they just randomly punch and wrestle each other until someone gets injured. hahahaha. they’re…weird.

55. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with an S?
hmm..no…this status must be changed immediately. i think i will have to tell sarah that when i go back home, we will have a heated makeout session which will involve gumdrops and lollipops.

56. How’s your life lately?
interesting, but not interesting enough.

57. Do you know anyone that is currently locked up?
i was going to write something very racially stereotypical but stopped because i guess it aint cool. anyway, nooppeee

58. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
nope!

59. What do you think about the current gas prices?
$20 used to pay for at least half a gas tank a couple years ago. $20 now pays for 1/4 of a gas tank. i wanted to cry when i accidentally filled up my brother’s gas all the way up. haha

60. Have you ever been so drunk that you blacked out?
O_O whatintheworldddd.

61. Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
i think we should back this question up to if i have ever loved someone in the first place. which is no. so, no.

62. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
i am fine with whatever state i am in. and i dont know why being single has to have such a stigma to it… and i guess same thing with being in a relationship.

63. Have you ever flirted with a friends crush?
no. isnt this like…a man law? sort of? maybe? hahah

64. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
many years ago when we had tomatoes. they are actually very easy to grow!

65. Ever ordered from an infomercial?
DUDE I LOVE WATCHING INFOMERCIALS. anyway, no…but i want to get everything that they offer. like that vacuum that can vacuum up any and everything.

66. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no

67. Have you ever requested a song on the radio?
nope

68. Do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
no! geez, hate is a strong word.

69. When is the last time you took a nap?
after i finish this i will

LAST PERSON…

71. To text you?
ehrryot

72. To send you a myspace message?
i dont have a myspace..

73. To send a friend request?
some person from work. LAWLLLL

74. Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
mine.

75. Have you kissed anyone in the last week?
noo

76. Do you miss anyone?
i guess my friends at my hometown

77. What does your 8th text message say and who was it from?
i am far too lazy to get up, go to my room, and look for my cellphone

78. What are you listening to?
KanyeWest

79. Is there one place you’d like to visit?
korea! TAIWAN. EVERYONE HAS BEEN TO TAIWAN. or …a lot of people that i know. i should stop making chinese friends. hahahahah

80. Have you held hands with anyone today?
the thought of doing that horrifies me. hahahaha.

81. Do you like winter time?
not so much. i dont like waking up cold.

82. Do you own uggs?
nope

83. Do you regret anything?
C’MON, NO REGRETS!!!

84. What are you excited about?
HEHEHEHHEHEEE. um, a lot of thigns. this new school year!

85. Plans for today?
sleep and homework

86. Seven days from now will you be in a relationship?
no.

88. How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
at least one, when my harabuhjee passed away
he was so chill even though we couldnt really communicate that well with him because of the language barrier.

89. Where is your number one person on your friends list?
i dont have a number one perosn on my listo f friends. i dont even have a list of frirends. do people do that?!

90. Do you want to dance?
buttnaked i do. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

91. Who do you not get along with?
i will say a lot of people. or at least i should!

92. Last movie you watched?
in theaters?…probably ironman. i am kind of too lazy to go out and watch movies.

93. What are your plans for the weekend?
this is like a repeat.

94. What do you notice first about a guy/girl?
their physical appearance, i mean dont we all? unless you meet them over the internet or something.

95. Something interesting happen lately?
i went to yogurtland. that is always interesting. harharhahrrr

96. Where is the person you like right now?
nonexistent, silllyyyyyy

97. Last time you took a shower?
an hour ago.

98. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
…sleeping.

100. Have you ever been around someone who was high?
i didnt notice until he smelled….funny…haha

101. Do you like where you live?
yes!

102. Last thing you purchased?
yogurtland.

103. Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?
in the apartment, and i feel fine.

104. Explain why you last threw up?
too much of whatever i drank/ate?!

105. Where did your last hug take place?
back at home. i think i almost broke my dog’s ribs when i hugged him.

106. Who was the last person to hold your hand?
my parents. they still like to hold my hand wehenver we cross the street. i try to divert it by walking behind them or just..away from them. haha

107. Are you a jealous person?
like you wouldnt even believe!

108. Did you have a good birthday this year?
it’s coming up! it will be awesome.

109. Are you tired right now?
yes

110. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
fine. i guess if i was on a farm i would be outraged or something. or maybe not??!

110. Do you chew on your straws?
more like try to eat

112. Who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21?
friend??

114. Do you have curly hair?
no. i wish i did.

116. Do you lead people on?
girrllll, you know i do. i be a playa fo lifeeeeeeee

117. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you because of something you didn’t do?
maybe. probably. but at the end of the day, it’s not my problem.

118. Have you kissed anyone today?
ick no. WOW I FEEL REALLY JUVENILE RIGHT NOW. haha

119. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
no way jose..

120. Last person you cried over?
*sigh* i dont really cry. more like sulk/think about for some time.

121. Do you cry easily?
actually, no.
but it’s really strange because whenever i am talking to an authority figure and im talking to them about a problem i get realy flustered and embarressed. one time all i wanted to do was ask my teacher why i got a b+ on a stupid assignment and for some rason, i just burst out into tears when i was in the middle of asking her if i could talk to her. i wasnt even on my period. dude, i didnt even think it was that big of a deal either. hahaha.

122. Do you have any brothers?
younger!

123. What do you think of them?
i like my younger brother.

124. Where did you go today?
up your butt

125. What should you be doing right now?
homework or something

126.When was the last time you hand washed the dishes?
yesterday?

127. Name everyone that made you smile today?
the whole world makes me smile.

128. Who was the last person to put their arm around you?
i make sure people dont touch me that often. haha

129. Three feelings at the moment?
tired, tired, tired.

132. The highlight of your week?
i got to pet my neighbor’s cat. AND yogurtland. HAHA

133. Who were the last people you ate with?
friends.

134. What really makes you mad?
i dont really get super mad. i guess it someone set all of my stuff on fire i would get pretty goshdarn upset.

135. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
whenever i think of mexico, i think of tj. i think that would be dangerous…lol

138. What’s the last piercing you got?
oh, YOU KNOW WHERE. DOWN THERE, THAT’S WHAT. just kidding..wow i really am kidding.

139. Ever toilet papered someone’s house?
no. my dumb brother has some insanely dumb and funny stories about doing it to other people’s houses.

140. Do you want to be married right now?
NOW?! no. unless this person was like, ballin. HAHA WOW I SWEAR I AM NOT THAT SUPERFICIALLLL lol

so obviously no one likes arrogant big headed people. but when is it appropriate to subtley show people that you are very skilled at something?
i mean, whenever someone finds out that i play an instrument and asks me if i’m good…what am i suppose to say?
why yes i am. i am very good.

normally i just say that i am lucky or something like that. but i kind of feel cheated of the “credit” that i should recieve. sometimes i make myself look slightly worse or not as good because i think that it wont intimidate other people. (ie. a sport)
but … that doesnt always work to my advantage, obviously.

it’s like the time when i was in orchestra a few years back (oh yes, i am bustin out an orchestra story) and the principal oboist (the person who gets to play all of the solos) left early. the next piece that we were going to play had a huge gorgeous oboe solo, and they needed someone to play it, and because i was technically the next person in line, i would play them. i had already devoted hours to perfect all those solos even though i knew that i wouldnt be the one actually performing them, however i knew that there was a teeny tiny chance that i would be able to play them–and this was my moment to shine! if the conductor listened to how well i played the part, i knew that there was a huge chance for me to be the principal chair next year. so one of the orchestra managers went up to me and asked me if i knew those solos.
“errr kinda” was my meek and modest answer. rather then “HECK YES WOMAN! I KNOW THEM BY HEART. I WILL BUST OUT THAT SOLO LIKE NO OTHERRRR”
that feeble answer was her way believing that i was not up for it and they decided to skip the piece.

i guess sometimes it’s okay to give yourself all the credit that you deserve and not dumbing yourself down just because you dont want others to think that you are arrogant. but the thing is, you should have pride in something that you have worked hard for. just dont intentionally rub it into people’s faces (unless you want to).

look at how bare our apartment is…
and uhh..because we dont have wireless right now, i resort to plugging the wire thingy to my laptop and camp out in the living room.

peace out holmes

i love two for one deals. or basically any multiple item for a cheaper price (ie. wholesale, costco). of course this deal has to be good, i mean i am not going to buy 7yogurts for 10$, that is still ridiculously high! but i will gladly get 20yogurts for 10$. that is much more reasonable and i will be saving money (as long as i just buy those yogurts and not something else at a regular, and maybe even more expensive price). i have learned that if there is ever a huge sale, i should buy whatever is on sale and not anything else that i dont really need because apparently stores put the regular priced items a little higher to make profit and such.

today i bought four sunglasses for the price of twenty dollars. it was amazing, a deal breaker, freakin awesome. but the problem is…
i dont need that many pairs of sunglasses.
yes my previous pairs of sunglasses did break, but do i really need four?!?! i could not resist the fact that i would “technically” be buyin each pair of sunglasses for 5$ each (buying them separately was around 7$ each). i would be saving loads of money!!!

anyway, i resorted to giving a couple of the extra and unneeded pairs of sunglasses to my brother (dont worry, they looked “manly”) who will probably break or lose them. or both. most likely both…

anyway, that was my little spiel. (i really do write “anyway” a lot…)

…because i currently dont have a shower curtain. ahhah

i have never had a problem of not being able to see the teacher/board in class because i usually sit in the front (for some dumb and odd reason). however, today i happened to sit in the way back, (near the air conditioning) and a tall person sat in front of me.
i feel sorry for those people who have to strain their necks to see what the teacher is writing because i understand their suffering for not having a longer torso.
i guess i could move to a different seat, but that would mean to sit next to some stranger and i, being the anti-social student could not do that in fear that this stranger may try to ask me for a pencil or a question about the lecture. how do i know if this person will return my pencil or return it with millions of germs that could cause an uncurable disease??? or what if i dont know the answer to whatever the question this person is asking? then that stranger may conclude that i am:
a) not paying attention
b) stupid
c) mean for not telling her/him an answer even though i truly do not know it
d) all of the above and more!!!

aahh!! i cannot risk that! that may lead to the downfall of everything else in my life.

of course i am totally exaggerating and really am not a crazy freak, however, i do wish that this tall person could brush his long golden locks. haha

i think the one thing i especially like about college is the chance to start over as a new different person than one was in high school. as i look through all my highschool friends pictures, blogs, etc. i see so much change in everyone. i think it’s refreshing to have the option of entirely changing yourself when you meet a new group of people, without being expected to act a certain way. i mean i dont know about you, but the people i went to high school with are the same people who were also in my elementary class, so yes, it is difficult to decide one day to be that outspoken girl or flamboyant boy because everyone would question one’s sudden behavior/personality change since everyone has been together for so long. of course not all of these changes are always good, but i guess that’s their problem to deal with.

anyway, i know that i have changed, a lot actually. and sometimes i wish i could justify these changes to people by explaining to them this is why i am the way i am… but then again, i shouldnt have to do that. my friends who continue to accept me are the ones i should hold onto and those who dont like the kind of person that ive become arent worth my time. sometimes i wish people were more understanding, but there still are very narrow-minded and stubborn people out there in the small world. oh well…

yeah, that is Stitch in my bag…it’s a pencil case…haha

my friend one day pointed out to me hwo he enjoys driving because it’s a chance for him to listen to the radio, or his favorite cd in peace. i mean think about it, it’s kind of distracting when you do that at home/in a solitary place. however, it is so much more soothing to listen to music while in the car because you are just kind of chillin for the most part.

sometimes, i stay in the car just to finish listening to a particularly good song. haha.

so what do i listen to in the car? for the most part, classical music. 102.1 kdfc. yes, you cannot go wrong with classical music. man, i am such a geek for writing that, but i cannot help but automatically turn to that channel and crank up the volume so that the rest of the public can listen to rachmaninoff’s no.2 piano concerto (which is one of the most played pieces on that radio station…forrealz). bytheway, that is a good piano concerto to listen to…

OKAY, ANYWAYYY
so i am up north at home and lovin it. i mean, i dont particularly enjoy the actual hometown that i am from because it consists of extremely rich upper class caucasians whose children recieve nice luxury cars for their 16th birthday’s…but i miss strolling in downtown and knowing what the good food places are.
i miss driving around the city without getting lost.i miss the overall familiarity of town that i dont feel in socal.

zomgSHOEZzz…and…a…pole???! naw, that just be the table stand thing.
 

i am pretty tolerant when it comes to pain. in the 5th grade, i remember watching my sister get her ears pierced. although i wasnt particularly nervous, (more eager to get holes in my ears) watching her scream as the earring gun punctured both of her ears kind of freaked the buhjeezus out of me. however, i really wanted to walk around with big ol’ rocks on my ears so i timidly sat on the stool.
am i proud to say that i didnt even flinch as the lady shoved a thin piece of metal through my ears? not really. i mean, it’s not that big of a feat, and i consider getting one’s arms chopped off or something like that more gallant.
anywayyyy, so basically i realized that i could just do this whoel sha-bang by myself. i mean, all i need is another sharper object to put through my ears if i wanted a new hole–right? yes!

a couple years later, i pierced my ears again as well as my cartilage. why?
because i gotz da blinnggggggggg.
and then a few years later i decided that five holes werent enough, how about another pair? so BAM, i did it again. was it painful? yes it was, but not that big of a deal for me to fuss about.

okay, back to the present. so the other day i didnt weary any of my earrings because i went through an mri machine. so naturally today i put all the earrings back into my ears. however, there is this one earring hole that i originally pierced at a slight angle, so it’s kind of difficult to put earrings in. so as i was shoving the earring back, i realized that it was actually quite painful to put this earring back, but i just brushed that feeling off thinking that the reason why it hurt was that i wasnt putting my earring in correctly.

and i was right, sort of.

the earring was not even in the hole to begin with, rather a little bit off to the side of the hole. so i was halfway into making another hole in my ear until my ear started to bleed and i looked into a mirror.

i am just brilliant.

OOO so i started my packing! it has been pretty good so far. now i need to do my laundry. oh dear lord….

sometimes i think about closing down whatever public blog that i have because i dont like it when people i know refer to something that i wrote in my blog when in a conversation with me.
basically i am trying to say that it’s kind of lame when i am talking with someone and they bring up something from my blog. and not something like “oh i like coldplay’s newest song too”. more like something that i wrote about myself that somehow influences and changes that person’s opinion how they view me.
please be original. think up your own thoughts and dont tell me something that i, myself wrote. (example: joy, you are sometimes passive aggressive. i KNOW that. dont think that you are all observant and intellectual for being able to repeat something that i admitted to and wrote down here please!)
(cue in a long sigh…)

i guess the only reason why i bring this up is that some days ago someone told me something that i knew they would not have said if i hadnt written it on this blog. yes i should own up to my actions, but they should also shouldnt be so goshdarn influenced. or dumb…

next topic…………………..

one of my friends recently broke up with her long term mancandy. err, i mean boyfriend. however, the first thing she did (besides being all sad and stuff) was look for the next best guy in all her guy friends. this kind of got me thinking. i mean, if you just ended a four year relationship, wouldnt you just kind of…rest? is it necessary to start looking out for someone else–even if you dont really plan on actually doing anything past friendship? there’s nothing wrong with just viewing the opposite (or same, whichever you choose) sex nonromantically…right??
maybe this is her way with coping or something like that. who knows.
anyway, that is how i plan on viewing boys/guys/males/(synonym). it’s not like i am constantly in search of someone 24/7, but from time to time it does pop up in my head. but i think for now, i am done with trying to find a nice guy in the loveydoveymushygushy sense. i mean, it doesnt make sense when someone likes someone when that person doesnt actually want anything to happen.
you may say: oh, you cant help who you like.
let me tell you, YES. YES YOU CAN. you just get over them, fast. i know i have, and you can too! it’s not that hard…you just stop doing things to them that you dont normally do to your other friends. yes, it is that simple.

BUT WHY??! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS JOY!? PORQUE!?!? DIME!!!!
because i can. and obviously there are more reasons but it’s not really necessary for me to elaborate. at least, i dont think it is.
 (…did i just have a conversation with myself? oh yes i did)

one more thing.
someone (not a random person) asked me a question during this leadership workshop thing: if you were to meet someone new, what would you want to know about them, and what would you want them to know about you?
jokingly i said: oh that’s easy. name, major, year, and uhh..what’s their favorite ice cream flavor.
but when i thought about it more…i had no idea what to say. i want to know them enough so the next time i meet them i wont just know that their name is *name* and that they are a first year or something like. i would want that person to know that i like to bake, i am (or at lesat i think i am…) an easy going person, i am genuinely easily amused at a lot of things, i like to add a lot of hot sauce to my pho (i want that soup to get redddddd)…but at the same time, there is no other way to introduce one’s self without saying all the “basics” and then moving on from there.
hmmmm…maybe the next time i meet a stranger, i will be a creeper and ask them to tell me their life story. hahaha.

okkk i think that is enough for now

although i dont really think about a serious committed relationship/marriage, i am very quick to discuss my opinions about kids. i cannot help but love children, especially toddlers. they are so cute and sweet, i mean yeah not all the time, but most of the time they are lovable.

soooooooooooooo let us chat about my nonexistent children:
i want to name the boy: dominik
and the girl: jordan (IT IS A GIRL’S NAME TOO. not exclusive to boy’s…)

the reason why i want to name the boy dominik is so i can call him just plain nik as a kid, and when people ask him: oh is it short of nicholas?
i will say: HECK NO. FOR DOMINIK. DUHHHH
HHHAHHAHHAHAA..so basically that is the only reason why…oh and i like that name too. basically i dont want to name my kids a name that every other kid his/her generation will also have. (ie. i know at least 6 jennifers and justin’s..and 230849 michael’s)

okay i’m done.

one of my favorite short oboe pieces just because the song totally fits the title!

sometimes i feel like being passive aggressive IS the only way to get the message across without compromising your reputation….okay, so that is already a given. i mean, the reason why we dont directly tell someone about something that is bothering you IS to look good in the eyes of the public. i hate being PA (passive aggressive) because i do not like it when people do it to me. i mean, i confess that i only do it whenever i feel extremely …mean/snobby/(profanities)/etc.

however, i believe that there are times when you cannot just directly tell that person that they are doing something that is bothering you because there are too many people watching you, and pulling that one person aside isnt so great of an idea because then the people do know that something is wrong and will want to know. and then to me, there is that whole “what if” questions that arise. like, what if those people who saw me say something to that person think that i am mean and a horrible person?
what if they dont understand that they are the ones being disrespectful and not me?
what if they all spread terrible rumors that i am a wretched girl who deserves to be hated on?
what if what if what ifffff..

i wish i could confidently say that whatever those people actually do think and say dont matter…

subject change!

isnt it a bit sad and at the same time kind of pathetic when one is able to talk to someone one would normally never converse with when one is not in the right state of mind? i guess there is that intimidation factor and fear that one will get rejected, but i feel like that is not a good enough of an excuse. okay that was just something that was in my head. haha

viva la vida - coldplay

i just kind of realized that i have read A LOT of blogs entries from females commenting/ranting about males. i mean, i know i can say that i have had my share of entries about the opposite sex, but why havent i read any blog entries from a male writing about females?
is it not socially acceptable for a male to even tell his friends that he has a blog? it’s probably even more “un-manly” to write one’s views on females and stuff huh? i actually have no idea..

bizarre love triangle-new order
i like the beat of this song, something that you can bob your head toooooooo
man, i love 80’s songs, so fun to listen and sing and dance too. haha

bored much?? haha. but it looks nice huh?

sometimes i wonder if people misuse the word “hope”. i mean, i can hope for certain things, but is it all just waiting in vain? or am i just wasting away a bit of my life–waiting for something to happen for my own selfish want?
i hope that i get a car next year.
i hope that my friend will live a good life.
is it possible for hope to have the same meaning in both sentences? i guess you can have a strong argument for both sides. im not too sure where im going with this.
i hope you find what you want, whether it is in a few days or 15 years– regardless if i am still a part of your life or not.

1. What is more difficult for you; looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
probably when someone is telling me how they feel, 98.99% of the time people are telling me how much they love and adore me so it’s difficult to look at them while they bare their souls to me because i then have to stare straight into their eyes and tell them that i am currently in a three different relationships and i cant be in a fourth because three is my lucky number. it always ends in tears.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry.
that’s really hard to think of, probably a time during my preteen days or something. i dont normally get mad, just frustrated or sad.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?
whoaa, enought time for what? for the plane to land? for the fire to get fixed? for the plane to blow up?!?! anyway, i guess in the end i would call my friend sarah, her number is the only number i remember besides my own and knowing my parents, they probably wont get it, or they would want to have a long conversation on why i got on the plane in the first place and why i am on a flight from honolulu to chicago. haha

4. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
a) yes, i would make a facebook event. it would be titled: I AM GOING TO DIE IN A MONTH “so let’s get this party started beeeeezzyyysssss” HAHHAAHAH
b) i dont know. i guess out of all seriousness, i would probably do things that i wouldn’t normally do, like telling that one person in my orchestra that he has very nice clothes. and nice genes. HAHA
c) hmm…yeah. i would be afraid. what is more scary then knowing that you are going to leave everything that is important to you–and you cant do anything about it?

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love.
TRUST. i just find more comfort in that right now.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
how does a canal even look like?!

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
the motherlanddddd

8. Think of the last person who you really knew that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you?
..duh of course. i mean, do i really want to live to be like..70yrs old?? i’ll be sleeping 90% of the time, my grandchildren will probably want to have nothing to do with me, and i’ll smell like an old person. i really dont think that one year would make a big difference…

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
HAHA. WOW. i have no idea. probably not. or…maybe.

10. Does love = sex?
HAHA..SEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. wow, grow up. ANYWAY, according to the way i was raised, i will say no.

11. Your best friend dies, what would you do?
i think i did a lot of things, i mean i guess the only thing that i can say is that you just shouldnt ignore it. but you should kind of …well, embrace it. think about it. write about it. cry a shitload. just because something like this happens it doesnt mean that you should suppress any feelings that you have just because you want to be “strong”.

12. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
when was it? during the day. how was it? …it was very cathartic and i actually feel pretty chill right now.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
not.
“i..i think i love you”
“oh…uhhhhh……………………………hmmm…thanks??…..”
tell me that THAT is not awkward….

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
sweets/desserts hands downnnnnn

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
just right now. everyday around 130am, i always tell my celebrity future husbands how much i love them, hoping that one day they too will say the same to me. some may say that is a strange ritual… i call it dedication.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had “no regrets” what would it be?
HAH. WOW, WHAT AN INTERESTING QUESTIONS AND PHRASE. i think i know what it is.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?
…why would i call someone. i live in a very safe neighborhood with sturdy locks. however, i would probably text someone and we would come up with fantastic stories about this stranger’s life and how it lead to this person walking in the rain outside my window.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
there are no homeless people here, seriously.

19. Are you old fashioned?
in some ways, i am more conservative. but i would like to say that i am not old, and i know that i dont really have any fashion. haha

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?
im going to assume that based on all these questions about love and whatnot, whoever wrote up this survey is someone who was recently hurt by his/her significant other and wants the whole freakin world to choose the “right” answer by writing: LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
for every answer. or something like that.

21. If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish?
MORE WISHES. jaykay. i dont know, or well i do but in the end, it’s just a wish and nothing more than a wish. so you can assume that whatever i would wish for is frivilous and silly, and it is! heheheee

while i was typing my answers, i was watching the food network and this man was eating a deep fried twinkie. i’ve never had a twinkie before, but ive seen one and the effects it had on my brother (can someone say crazy sugar bursts in the middle of dinner?)…that deepfriedtwinkie looks like an instant heartattack. haha.

topic #1: I Think I Love My Parents

having the “middle child syndrome” (and a lot of other things), i did not build as strong a connection with my parents as my sister and brother did. i always found myself fighting with my parents as i grew older, and by the time it was time for me to leave home, i was happy. i was genuinely glad to leave. people would ask me if i would miss my parents and i would cheerfully say no because it was the truth. it didnt meant that i didnt love my parents. i just knew that i wouldnt miss the routinely fights, silent treatments, nagging, etc.

freedom. that was the key word. i was my own boss–and let’s face it, no one likes obeying the higher authority or living by a set of “rules”.

so i found it odd whenever my friends would go home every weekend, or diligently call their parents everyday. did this mean that i was a bad child? i liked to think not. however, should i have called my parents more often? the conversations i did have with my parents very so often lead to nagging and ending the phone call in a sour mood. i mean, it’s not like i wanted to argue too. it’s not like i was always trying to pick a fight.

i want to say that i secretly envied my friends whose parents were their best friends, but im not. hmmm.

anyway, i was looking through my sister’s old picture albums of our family and i felt a slight ache in my chest as i looked through the old pictures of my sister and brother and mom and dad. i guess after a while, being alone without having anyone bother me (whether it be intentional or not) gets lonesome.i just feel like im missing something, which makes me feel better; knowing that i do have that “special” place in my heart for my family. it’s a terrible thing to actually think about– to not know if these people you have lived with your whole life actually mean anything to you, and i am proud to say that they do! hah hah wow.

topic #2: Is Everyone Relationship Material?

i mean think about it, is everyone meant to be with that soulmate? do we even have soulmates?

i prefer to think not. NOT because i am pessimisstic and bitter.

i honestly believe that some people just arent meant to get married. it doesnt mean that they cant try to have meaningful relationships with other people, nor does it mean that they cant sex, ever. i just think that some people find themselves to be content with themselves and themselves only. they dont need to look for mr/ms right because why try to “fix” one’s life if it’s already good. just because you have a good life and you arent in a committed relationship with someone doesnt mean that your life isnts yet complete. it probably already is.

i also believe that i cann be one of these people. i can honestly say that i dont mind not getting married and having children (it’s not because i am against men/guys/boys. they’re fine–really they are, in fact, i find them fantastic and delicious).

and it’s not because i have commitment issues or im not ready or ive been hurt “this” many times or anything like that.

i am just perfectly okay to live by myself for the rest of my life. now this does not mean that i will be a hermit. i can have friends! haha

i mean, if i find someone, great. if i dont, it’s still fine. hmm..maybe my views will change when im in my late 20’s. (ever since i was a little girl ive always wanted children, sort of. then again, it is possible to have kids without getting married/knocked up)

hahahahahahaha

topic #3: Popularity

now that i look back at my highschool years with my brother and sister, ive realized how unpopular i was compared to them, which was never a problem to me nor is it today. it just baffles me how literally the whole school knows my brother and my sister, and not me. my brother and sister have a five year difference (me in the middle) and yet, my sister’s friends know my brother and vice versa. and of course my graduating class also knew my siblings.

so what did my siblings have that i didnt?

their love for water sports. dude, i am not even a fan of water let alone sports.

my brother and sister both were in swimming and waterpolo, and although i tried waterpolo for a year (i quit), i didnt quite enjoy it as much as they did. and i eventually stopped swimming.

man, i remember all the reactions people got whenever they found out that i was related to my brother or my sister. it was always pure disbelief.

do i ever wish that i played those sports during high school? sort of, yes. for one, i would be fantastic shape and an awesome tan. but i kind of like being known as jeremy’s sister or junia’s sister, instead of joy. i feel proud of my siblings, not for their talent of being able to have literally hundreds of friends, but for not changing themselves to fit in with “the crowd”. all those years, i was still able to look up to my sister as a role model and watch my brother grow as a person.

he’s going to be cocaptain for his highschool varsity waterpolo team this coming year, and i am damn proud. think about it, a group of 15-20teens chose him to be one of the leaders for their team (bytheway, sports are very important and well funded in our overly rich highschool, and we are goshdarn good at them). i think that in the end, if i could relive highschool, i wouldnt change anything. as corny and stupid and cliched as it sounds, the past seriously has made me the person that i am today and i kind of like the way i am (keyword: kind of..haha).

anyway, this song is nice:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pFKpXUQGw9M

do NOT be fooled by the title.

anyway, i also like ingrid michaelson’s voice. so breezy and light.

oh, i recently decided to redye my red/orange streaks back to blond. why? maybe it’s to represent a change of time in my life and i just went through another momentuous change. or because it depicts my overall personality and i felt that i needed that extra spunk. or perhaps these new colored streaks is my way of being unique, different, strange.

but seriously, why?

im not too sure. i guess i just like it.

it’s more yellow than this picture depicts it to be.

okay i think that’s a huge read. i will take a break in this next week because i am going to be quite busy…

up until my senior year in high school, most every book that i read was a book that my sister would check out from the library for herself. so i basically read everything that she read because i never really knew what kinds of books to read.
however, things changed during my last year of high school. i had bravely enrolled in my ap english class (the teacher was known to be an eccentric kook, and the class was suppose to be quite difficult. but it wasnt. and i ended up getting a 4 on the ap test. a number that no longer matters now. haha), something that my sister did not do (my sister is the glory child in our family)
i read so many books in that class…SO MANY. but it was really quite refreshing to force myself to read all these different types of literature because once my sister left for college, i had completely stopped read books because she wasnt there to check them out. i guess you can say that i was too lazy to go out and look for books to read too.
anyway, one of my favorite books that i read in that class was Great Expectations (by charles dickens)
now i read that book when i was in elementary school, and again in middle school (both for funsies). so by the time i was told to read and annotate that 400pg book again in high school i was annoyed that i had to remember the story about a poor stupid boy and a cold hearted old woman and equally cold young girl.

however after reading this book for the millionth time, ive grown to especially like it. i guess the characters and the overall story. it’s nice…yeah i am so very vague but i cant explain ittttt!! or i guess i could if i wanted to but who wants to read that? or ..even this? haha

so the point to this is that:
a) i miss reading for fun and i am very incapable of finding books for myself to read. however i will try to be more proactive and search for books to read myself
b) great expectations is a very enjoyable book and i do recommend it to people. but im not going to try to convince you to love it as much as i do

 
………$300+ worth of books. lovely.

subject change.

i just typed up this huge rant about feeling used and selfish people who dont realize that a majority of their actions are for their own personal benefit at the expense of my time and efforts. this crazy venting took 2.5hours to type up and edit and after i wrote that down, i felt a bit better and erased everything.
i think i need another outlet. ranting takes too long.
maybe i should pick up racketball or something.

when it involves any type of eating.

i am super lucky enough to have an assignment that includes going to four frozen yogurt places to compare them according to my own taste. i am very excited.
in fact, i am giddy this very moment!
i cannot wait to visit these four delicious yogurt shops to indulge X<$5 for a frozen treat. if you didnt know already, i love frozen yogurt and ice cream, but last year i found a frozen yogurt place in my hometown that served “natural” yogurt. and i LOVE that tart flavor! hehe..
so the places that i will venture off to:
-yogurtland. i think that this will be one will be my favorite place to go to because i like the fact that it’s self served so i can put as much yogurt and toppings as i want. AND they have a lot of different yogurt flavors!
-pinkberry. gotta support my korean bros n hoes (minus the hoes part i guess) right?
-red mango.
-a random yogurt place that is less known. OR golden spoon

WHHHEEEEE!!!!!!
it shall be glorious i tell you. besides the fact that i will have spent ~$20, i am ready to embark on this delicious adventure.

HEEHEHHEEEEE

adding the mochi balls, fruity pebbles, and strawberries makes it less nutritious…BUT WHATEVERSSS MANNNNN